Talkingbird123's Blog

“I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life’s experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life’s experiences would be a great mistake.”

I when I sleep alone, I have awful dreams. Last night I dreamt you were forced to leave, and I was forced to stay. I decided that maybe I should swim. I attempted to swim, but all my insides leaked blood. The fluid of life leaked out of my body as I floated and sank, and there was nothing I could do. All I could was watch the chlorine filled water mix with red and swirl into each other.

“Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together”

“Don’t you feed me lines about some idealistic future”

“You’ve got a lure can’t deny”

You’re right to think that there could be nothing better than…

“And though I didn’t know it then
I soon was finding out
You are the roots that sleep beneath my feet
And hold the earth in place”

And when you leave on your trips, I feel alone and lost. I don’t wander the world I once longed to know, my curiosity destroyed. I don’t want to wander without you, I don’t want to get lost without you. I think I hate being without you, cause if I ever get lost in the complexity of this world you know how to find me and make these complexities simple and clear. Does everyone experience this? Are we unique? Even if we aren’t, I don’t want to let this go. So let’s hold each other and explore everything we’ve always wanted to know. Let’s solve of the mysteries that this world beholds. Let’s get lost together only to find how much we belong together.

so I haven’t written in ages, keep the bee busy, and they won’t notice what is going on. So I keep making honey and working, but I never get to see the colony or the injustice of the queen.

It’s funny how that idea has worked in every society.

So my eyes are wide open and what do I see. I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. I’m growing up. I am making changes. School is going well, I’m staying for winter session. I miss my friends and can’t wait to see them over Thanksgiving. The boyfriend is good, he always is. It’s hard when I’m away from him, I feel like he’s one of my only close friends that is at arm’s length.

I was talking to Briana and she was talking about how weird it is that we are growing up. Like the classes we take now are for a career not just to get out of high school and our relationships now could be something much more. The decisions we make now could be permanent parts of our lives. It makes you wonder, what do you want to stay in your life forever? What characteristics, what people, what career, and what interests?

I haven’t been going out lately. I’ve been focusing on school and relaxing. I’ve been picking classes out for next year, I’ve been doing extra credit work in my classes. I’ve been overachieving, but my social life is disappearing. Aside from keeping in touch to those we I miss, I’ve only been going out with Martin. I need to get out more instead of staying confined in cement walls.

So I longed for fresh air and the sun on my face, so I pulled out a dress and put on make up which I haven’t worn in weeks. I walked in the sun down main street and picked up a photo and a cup of soup. I sat outside and watch the sun disappear like some of the remnants of my old life. I sat there wondering where is my life going? Should I chase it or should I stay in place and watch the old melt away.

Love will lead you to happiness. Relationships will lead you to growth. Mistakes will lead you to suffering, and self-reflection will lead you to success.

I know what I want know, you didn’t have to lead me, I didn’t have to lead you. We walk together on this winding path, with our hearts leading us to our future.

It’s happening again. When images of you infected my dreams. You don’t say anything to me, not even in my dreams, you’re just always there. I wish that it weren’t true, and I wish that I could just forget you, but that’s simply not the case.

A new lover is in my life, and I wish that my subconscious could see that there’s just no room for you in my head. It’s driving me crazy so please leave. You were never supposed to be part of me.

I always thought I didn’t fit in my family. I spent most of my high school years complaining about how much I couldn’t stand them, but now that I live in a dorm, I miss them. I miss my family.

They are good people, who try to take care of each other. They may not be the brightest people or the most sophisticated people, but they have good hearts. They gave me a good heart and a good head. I appreciate them for that.

I can’t wait to go home this weekend, I’ve missed my home

Where am I supposed to go? Each direction I turn I get blocked off, and I try to climb over these greats walls and I fall to my knees. I have scabs covering my body, and I don’t know how much more I can take. I need to sign of where I am supposed to be.

As lovers, we reassure each other that we are made for each other. As friends, we fight and play with each other.

For comfort, we tell each other we could never be with anyone else. For fun, we say how no one could every put up with the other.

We make big plans about today, tomorrow, the weekend, the next week, the next season, the next year, and the next decade. We are planning our lives away, but I rather waste the day with you slowly. I want to mark each day on the calendar after the day is done, not before.

Let’s be present for awhile, let’s not rush this time in our lives. I’d love to stay here with you so let’s stay as long as we can. Sounds like a plan? Sounds like a date?

…no, it just sounds like a good idea